Dubbo to Melbourne - The ride part 2

Dubbo had the distinction of having two main roads and therefore an intersection which made it pretty much the largest town we had driven through on the journey. Dubbo also had the distinction of hosting the under 16’s state rugby finals and was, our taxi driver informed us, packed to the rafters at the moment. We would be lucky to find anywhere to eat tonight, he also advised us despite not being asked.

We had pulled into Dubbo and registered in the Motel, a chain of Motels specialising in fitting as many people into the smallest possible space. Although this was also a very cheap Motel. The room consisted of a double bed with a single positioned on the wall above it. A small sorry looking TV hung in the corner and there was a tiny shower and toilet. Ah home from home, but we were not here for luxury, this was just the designated stop over. We decided to get ourselves a quick steak and a couple of beers then off to bed. With an early start we did not wish to be hung-over, so we ordered the taxi.

Despite the taxi drivers warning that the town was packed we walked into the local steakhouse, above the local pub, and found ourselves in an entirely empty room. The town maybe full of families with under 16 rugby players but apparently they had all brought sandwiches. We sat and ate two steaks then retired down to the pub. The food was OK I have to say and served with a smile.

Downstairs the scene was similar if a little bizarre; rugby (not under 16’s but full blown hulks) was playing to an almost empty room. In the back yard a band was setting up so we figured the place would be full soon. After a couple of beers the band started playing, a selection of Bon Jovi and country tunes, much to the delight of the solitary guy sitting in the third row. He had a private concert so why he chose not to sit at the front is anyone’s guess. The pub continued to fill and we stayed for a few more drinks, people watching as you do. This was my first real insight into Bogan culture, backwater towns with nothing much to do on a weekend but pop down to the pub and get drunk until you either fall over or pull a sheila. A group of girls, obviously on the pull judging by the dresses they were nearly wearing - not a pretty sight, decided to sit down next to us as they scoped out the room for talent. I have to say that I am grateful for not being official talent in Bogan land, I have no mullet and certainly was not wearing a flannel shirt. They moved away from us leaving their handbags and one solitary member of the group. Now when a girl is left alone with the bags you can guarantee that she is ugly or too drunk to pull. This one was the former and as she was alone decided that she would talk with the nearest people, us!

In short she was from Newcastle and as such way better than anyone from Dubbogan, and she was educated being a primary school teacher! I suggested that she use her obvious education to travel the world and to my surprise she agreed. Unfortunately she did not understand my intention that she do this straight away, as in now. Couple more beers then grab a taxi and bed.

The next morning we set off on the second part of the journey. First port of call is the radio observatory at Parks. This was the setting for the film “The Dish” starring that bloke from Jurrasic Park. Well it is a big dish, similar to Jodrell Bank in England. This was where the moon landing was transmitted from, actually I found out recently that this is not where the landing was transmitted from but it was the setting about a film about the moon landings. Confused! You will be. As we pulled up to the telescope I noticed that there were a bunch of Kangeroos’ standing round eating the grass. So I am one of the few people to jump out of a car and point a camera in the opposite direction of the huge white radio dish at parks!

Soon we were back in the car driving the endless miles through New South Wales. It is actually quite a boring drive to be honest. Scrub slowly changing to fruit plantations and vineyards. Pretty scenery but nothing very exciting. This wasn’t the outback experience I was expecting. Having worked on stations (Cattle ranch) ten years ago I had driven through some of the inhospitable outback. Four hours on a sandy track with no sign of civilisation to get to a small hut from where we would start building fences round stations that couldn’t be driven through in a day. The sun beating down on our little ute, water was essential and when we did get a flat tyre we would wait for the sun to die a little before attempting to change the wheel. This was real outback adventure. With serious risk of death due to snakes and heatstroke. In comparison a drive through NSW was a scenic detour full of civilised towns. This does remind me of a funny thing that happened once. We were driving down a sandy track, at the side of a four wire fence, when an emu decided to run out in front of the ute. Once in front of us it then decides that it will run away from us down the track, so we follow the emu carefully keeping the speed down to let it get away. After a couple of hundred meters the bird decides to leave the track, by turning in the direction of the fence. Now the fence is pretty solid with four thin wires strung between posts, the Emu runs into the fence, at which point it’s neck and legs fold back as the body of the birds flies between two of the wires. Like a large feathery snowball this object flies through the fence and lands on the other side. Out pop the legs and the Emu’s head and the dumb bird jumps up, visibly stunned by it’s ordeal. Then the bird starts to run away again, this time on the opposite side of the fence but still down the track as though we were going to run it over. Crazy animal but still one of the only times I have seen an Emu fly.

One thing about Australia that is quite funny is their love of big things, fibrecast mouldings of normal everyday objects, but BIG! Really big! They have the big banana, big strawberry and when we stopped for lunch there was the big Carp! A fish, by the side of the road, but two meters tall. Australians just love big things and as we ate fish and chips on the banks of the Murray river we sat next to one such big thing. They really serve no purpose what so ever but act as a tourist attraction for those people unfortunate to have to drive through the country. As far as ticking off the big things I am woefully underachieving, having only the big Carp and strawberry to my credit, but I am sure there are those touristy types who have a plethora of BIG things under their belt. Always makes for reliable photo opportunity. We missed the BIG guitar and BIG lime on our journey so I do not think this is going to become some kind of sad tourist attraction piece for me.

As we drove through Victoria I begin to get some sense of how big Australia really is. We had spent two days solid driving down through three states. If you look at a map of Australia and find Brisbane and Melbourne you will see just how little of the country we actually tackled, not very much at all. One day maybe we will get out and rive more of the country but for now my ass is numb and I really miss my little flat, and wife so we push on towards Melbourne. My faultless navigation skills manage to only get us lost once in the suburbs of Melbourne and we arrive in the evening. Tired, numb and having been on one of the longest dullest car journeys ever.

Final score was Kangaroo’s 18 Foxes 12, plus one lemur (that’s what it looked like anyway and a stick! Duncan mistook the stick for a lizard and we had to go back and see it).